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Perpetual Propensity

from Rin McArdle - S​/​T by Rin McArdle

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lyrics

Hold me up I’m falling
curse the town I’m born in
all their fingers pointing at the storm that came without warning

Talker, talker, talker you’re a real smooth talker
and the Oscar goes to the most incredible performer
Yes I’m fucking angry you tried to end me, tried to hang me
steal my spirit and them blame me
steal my identity and frame me.

I will not be silent, though you love me scared and quiet
coerce and control and then you simply just deny it
I am oh so very tired
I am lit up in your gaslight
unwittingly divisive
I am sadness in the choir

If it’s dangerous I’ll ride it
if I think it’s wrong I’ll fight it
you are steeped in hypocrisy
you really take a lot from me
it really takes a lot to see and expose all your fuckery
but I think it’s the job for me
I guess it might as well be.

Carrots, peas, Stevie please
I’ve known you since I was a teen
back when this nightmare was a dream
I just want to be believed
I am not the enemy but I’ll speak for my integrity
I want accountability from 2017

I bite my tongue so hard it bleeds
you take it all so easily

It’s taken the last years from me
I just want to be believed
you took it all so easily
I am ashamed, I was not free
I was not me, I could not breathe
so frozen that I could not speak,
my life is just a pillow scream

I beg, I plead, I do agree
it’s hard for you, it’s hard for me
oh when will everybody see
it’s not how it’s supposed to be
I fall, I scream, I laugh, I drink
it’s not even like what you think
it took so much for me to speak
to have it thrown back at my feet
everybody questioning

I guess this is destiny
it’s all a ride, it's all a dream
I wish it didn’t get to me
oh will it be the death of me?

Perpetual propensity
just because you didn’t see
it doesn’t mean you can’t believe
you think it only ever happens
when it’s happening onscreen
I’m on this train, its only me
this self fulfilling prophecy

but this is real life
and there are predators here
and they laugh
and they’re sweet
and they’re charming, sincere
they can sing, play guitar
wear the ring, play the part
but their intentions are just weapons
that they hide under a mask

vexatious, rapacious, invading my space
so that nothing is sacred and nothing is safe
and my words have been stolen
my existence is cursed
they know just how to hurt you but its all so covert
they’ve studied your weakness
like it was their teacher
and there’s nothing you can say to sway their brainwashed believers
they are not the fucking victim
but they sure know how to pick them

Hold me up I’m falling
curse the town I’m born in
all their fingers pointing at the storm
that came without warning

credits

from Rin McArdle - S​/​T, released July 28, 2023

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Rin McArdle Melbourne, Australia

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